Organizing your thoughts

When you have something difficult to communicate, that has the potential of becoming emotionally charged, the exercise of journaling will assist you in organizing your thoughts to keep your conversation focused and productive.

Journaling is:

• Writing down your thoughts and emotions using “I” statements that describe how you feel while not placing blame.

• Organizing your thoughts while giving you time to “cool-off.”

• A time of focused reflection.

• An opportunity to revisit your thoughts, in a calm environment, to determine if a future conversation is worth a potential disagreement or argument.

Journaling is NOT:

• A battle plan.

• An exercise in “finger-pointing.”

• A score card for future arguments.

When I journal, I use an inexpensive spiral notebook. When I find myself upset or angry, I find a quiet environment (sometimes the bathroom or a quiet room in the middle of the night), to jot down what I am feeling and the potential reasons for my range of emotions using “I” statements. Most times, my thoughts are expressed in bullet points because I generally don’t have time to compose sentences let alone paragraphs. However, find a style that is comfortable and efficient for you and just start.

Examples of “I” Statements:

• “I” feel hurt when you call me names.

• “I” am disappointed when you forget to run an important errand.

• “I” am angry when you don’t ask my opinion.

• “I” feel demoralized when you look at another woman.

After you have had time to journal, put your notebook down. Let some time pass, perhaps a few hours or even a couple of days. Revisit your writings and thoughts with fresh eyes and a renewed perspective. You may realize that your discontent was misplaced anger from poor timing, not feeling well, or even lack of sleep. If this is the situation, place an X over your journal entry and move on. If you still feel upset after reviewing your words, perhaps you will rightfully justify a conversation with your partner or the person that angered you. If this is the case, grab your Speaker/Listener Review Card (see button below), and initiate a respectful conversation with the goal of resolving your concerns.

This is what I have learned from journaling:

• I organize my thoughts.

• I let most concerns “go” realizing that it is misplaced anger or just not important enough to justify a potential argument.

• I don’t sweat the “small” stuff.

• I have matured.

• My husband has matured.

• My husband and I are role models regarding Conflict Resolution to our children.

• Journaling keeps me focused.

• Journaling is definitely worth the time investment.

If you are like me, most journal entries DO NOT result in an argument. Truly, many disagreements have been avoided because I organized my thoughts and revisit them later to determine if they were worth an exchange of words. ​​

Every year I purchase a new journal. Sometimes I look back at entries that are ten-plus years old and I feel shame. Things that I was upset with in the past seem trivial today as our family has advanced and our lives have become more complex. Other entries have demonstrated that I have matured as a spouse and mother as I have refined my communication skills. Most importantly though, past writings have proven that my husband and I have grown as a couple. Closer. Wiser. Stronger.