Effective communication in its simplest terms means “to understand.” Sounds simple, right?

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The couples my husband and I have ministered, all had one thing in common – they were terrible at communication. Before we could engage with helping them with their core issues, we had to teach them how to communicate effectively. We introduced them to Communication Tools that, used together, act as guides and boundaries to maneuvering the pitfalls of sharing and understanding each other’s needs, fears, challenges, and triumphs.

The core to effective communication is Active Listening. This means not only hearing words but correctly interpreting body language and sensing emotional cues. Through this, a complete message can be understood and addressed. Without full Active Listening, only fragments can be discerned and perhaps misinterpreted.

What this means:

• When attempting to have effective communication, where important thoughts, ideas, or concerns are being shared, don’t be tempted by the use of technology.

• Effective communication cannot be achieved by text, email, or telephone.

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OK, I can sense your eye-rolling. The reason that texting, emailing, and the telephone are poor, and generally, disasters, when communicating with your spouse, is the lack of physical proximity and eye contact. If eye contact is not present, a complete message is not being communicated. In general, one cannot sense hurt, frustration, or even joy with a text or email.

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• Capital letters, choice punctuation, and clever emojis are poor substitutions for direct eye contact and proximity.

• Successful Active Communication requires all senses, especially hearing, seeing, and touch.

I know, I’ve heard it time and time again – “Life is too busy to have all important discussions in person!” This is where marriages begin to unravel because your relationship has fallen down, or even off, your list of priorities. Also, this is the very reason we schedule dates with our spouse – to carve-out time to have serious conversations that affect not only the marriage but the entire family.

Let’s start learning how to become effective communicators. Next stop – The Rules.

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😉 (Just kidding)!