Note: I first published this post almost one year ago. I think it's worth a repost because May and Mother's Day are near. Sending love to mother's (and grandmother's) everywhere. Your roles are vital and your sacrifices are sincerely appreciated.
Look forward to a new post soon. I promise (now, there's a hint).
My birthday is soon. In fact, I was born on Mother’s Day. Depending on the year, my birthday generally lands on or near the same day that is set aside to honor moms everywhere. For my overly practical, efficiency centered spouse, this was a near perfect scenario – a “Twofer.” The man I promised to love and cherish for the rest of my life automatically concluded that our family could celebrate both my birthday and Mother’s Day on the same day. Same people. One dinner celebration. Shared gifts. This was my husband’s plan. That is until I clearly and succinctly established some rules.
First, before reviewing my rules or guidelines, I used
the communication skills I outlined in my Be Heard and Understood section of this website, to lovingly educate my husband about gifts - especially since becoming a mother. I also will remind readers that my husband and I decided that it would be best for our family that I shelve my career to stay at home to raise the cherubs I call my children. Although this was a huge decision that consisted of thoughtful decision making and planning, it also meant no paycheck for me, zero “Atta girls” acknowledging jobs well done, let alone performance awards, raises or promotions. The bottom line is that there are a handful of days of year, namely Christmas, my birthday, wedding anniversary, and yes Mother’s Day that I deem my paydays, Atta girls, and most importantly acknowledgement of my hard work and dedication to my family. The aforementioned days are mere 24 hour blocks of time that are set aside to honor two important concepts – Appreciation and Love. Do the quick math. If there are roughly 8760 hours in a year, I am asking for 96 of those hours, or 1.1 percent of a year, to say thank you and I love you for placing our family as a priority. Simple and not unreasonable, right?
Ok, now to the short list of rules as it pertains to receiving gifts from my husband:
Rule #1: If you are considering a gift that takes batteries or has an electrical cord, think again. I cherish gifts that are personal as opposed to utility. I truly am not interested in gifts that can help me cook better, clean faster, or organize more efficiently.
Rule #2: I like gifts that say “You’re worth it.” By this I mean every mother has something they selfishly covet, but deem unnecessary or frivolous therefore dismissing it. Receiving something that’s sole purpose is to be pretty shouts “you’re beautiful and worth this.” This type of gift is essentially an item that one would never purchase for themselves.
Rule #3: Gifts do not have to be expensive. However, they do have to be thoughtful. Handmade gifts are awesome.
Rule #4: Know my Love Language. Mine is time. A gift of fun, quiet, or relaxation is always welcomed and appreciated.
And most importantly-
Rule #4: Mother’s Day and my birthday are NOT to be celebrated together. Never ever. I deserve two days, two dinners, two gifts.
I came up with these rules after receiving a skillet for Christmas years ago. Although it was a nice skillet, with the latest non-stick technology, it did not say “Thank you and I love you.” Instead, I felt the gift said “Cook more, cook faster!” Did I mention I really don’t like practical gifts?
Favorite gifts I have received: Beautiful high quality personalized stationary designed for me by my husband. I am old fashioned as I enjoy writing Thank You notes to acknowledge someone’s generosity towards me or my family. This gift allows me to do this while making a statement of style and design. I also love receiving letters from my husband. I have boxes and boxes of notes, lovingly penned by him. They are thoughtful, very personal, and almost always make me tear up. I truly value and cherish these. I also appreciate surprise weekends away with my spouse. I love one-on-one time and spontaneity as well as the fact that he does all the planning including arranging for childcare when my cherubs were young.
Many gifts I have received from my husband are home-runs. Others have been doubles or singles. However since receiving that skillet many Christmas’s ago, there have been few strike –outs. Why? Because I took the time to lovingly and thoughtfully educate the man I love about my likes and dislikes. I provided him a road map with explanation. He listened and he has embraced the rules. Is he tempted to break or bend a rule with the occasional purchase of an electronic tool or gizmo? Yes. However, my now adult children remind him of the guidelines and keep him on track. Remember, it’s all about communication.
Happy Birthday to me! Happy
Mother's Day to moms everywhere!
XOXO!
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