I couldn’t sleep one night and ended up in the den, remote control in hand, shuffling through television stations searching for something, anything, interesting to watch. It wasn’t too long into my troll that I stumbled upon The Andy Griffith Show, circa 1960. I settled into the recliner and reacquainted myself with Andy, Barney Fife, Aunt Bee, and of course Opie. The episode I watched centered on one of Andy’s friends and his search for a girlfriend and soulmate. The characters were charming, the plot was thin, and the black and white background seemed to give an impression of nostalgia. Ten minutes in, I became unsettled, on the verge of angry. Twenty minutes later, I clicked it off shocked and disbelieving.
Andy’s friend, Emmett, had found what he thought was the perfect girlfriend. She was pretty, smart, and conversational. The only “less-than” ideal characteristic about this women was that she had a job that complemented her organizational and personable skill set. Emmett thought the job his girlfriend so dearly loved, that provided a small income and personal independence, was a distraction from his needs; someone to cook, clean, and be on spontaneous demand to fulfill any desired request. At the conclusion of the episode, Emmett’s girlfriend quit her job so that she could focus all her attention on Emmett. This was considered a satisfying and happy ending to the story.
The messages of the episode were clear:
· Women should depend on men for all support.
· A women should not have any interests that distract from their role as a girlfriend or wife. This means job, career, or interests of any kind.
· Women should not consider fulfilling roles that are not traditional “women’s” work. Emmett’s girlfriend worked and managed a gas station.
· Women are not smart enough to have jobs that involve business management, math, or anything mechanical.
And most importantly:
· A relationship between a man and a women is not equal or even nearly equal.
Fast forward to 2020. Have things changed?
My husband and I have a nearly equal marriage based on the fact that I have a mastered set of skills that he is not as proficient at. Furthermore, Gene possesses abilities and acumen that I do not possess. Together, we form a team that can overcome most challenges, expected and unexpected. Essentially, there are scenarios where I take the lead and others where my husband takes command. We respect and are grateful for each other's strengths, trust one another’s opinions, and make important decisions together. Is that a 50/50 relationship? Or 49/51?
It’s neither. We are one – committed to our well established and communicated family goals. Our personal objectives help to buttress the aforementioned. My husband compares it to two trees, with an intertwined shallow root system, growing toward each other. Together we are strong. Without our entangled support system, we could easily succumb to any storm. Any many couples do.
I am educated, have skills, and I am a positive role model to my children for what it means to be in a strong marriage (see STRONG marriage / relationships below). Yes, I sacrifice to support our goals. And so does Gene. When my husband has a setback, I have a setback. When I celebrate a success, my husband celebrates that same success.
So, when it’s the middle of the night and I am searching for something to watch, I hope to find other options besides The Andy Griffith Show. In fact, if my children were still young, this type of program would be on my “not allowed to watch list.” Maybe Mary Tyler Moore. Or perhaps Black-ish or Mad About You. Realizing that a successful and fulfilling marriage is team centered where both spouses focus their individual strengths whereby they contribute to goals of their partnership.
Remember, do not diminish each other’s strengths and abilities. Instead, embrace, challenge, and let one’s gifts strengthen your relationship and buttress your goals as a family. With this relationship strategy you will accomplish so much more in life enveloped by mutual respect and endearing love. You will thrive.
Be one.
Goto https://www.twoheartsinlove.com/what-is-a-strong-marraige-1 to learn more about STRONG Marriages / Relationships.
Comments