Let’s acknowledge one simple truth: life is short, too short.
Most readers of this blog post, at one time or another, have yearned for extra time whether it be minutes, hours, or years. Generally, this desire is fueled by regret. Sometimes it is driven by one or several of life’s curveballs. At times, it is contentment centered. So with the acknowledgment that time is valuable, why do we allow others to influence this precious commodity by stealing our JOY?
I was dining in a restaurant a few months ago when I witnessed an interaction between a server and his customer. Seated at a table adjacent to mine was a diner who never seemed to be satisfied with anything. He was harsh and lacked civility. His waiter was gracious, patient, and truly wanted to please his guest. It soon became apparent that this diner was angling for a free meal even though he consumed all but a few meager crumbs on his plate. I could plainly hear the dialogue between the server and the diner. I could see, through the body language of the waitperson that he was breaking under the near abuse of the restaurant guest. Finally, the customer left and without leaving a well-deserved gratuity.
I signaled to this same server that I needed a warm-up to my coffee. I inquired how his day was going. He replied: “Not so great” in a voice that reflected his response. I learned he was a student at a nearby university where he attended classes between the breakfast and dinner shifts. I then asked him why he let someone he did not know and with an obvious less-than moral agenda “steal his JOY?” He stared blankly at me. I continued. “You went above and beyond for your guest. You did your job. You cannot let people like this affect your mood or your self-confidence. You need to find a way to repel poor and unjustified behavior of others. Otherwise, you will burn-up.”
A few minutes later he returned to my table and thanked me for my “kind words” of encouragement. He said, he “really needed to hear my advice.” I tripled my usual tip to make-up for the guest that left nothing and jotted “You are a blessing” on the back of the restaurant copy of the receipt.
The lesson: Life is too short for your JOY to be stolen from people who do not know and most likely will never see again.
I read about an automobile accident that occurred on a highway I often travel. Apparently, one driver “cut-off” another car as he aggressively tried to overcome bumper-to-bumper rush hour traffic. In turn, the offended driver responded with dangerous driving maneuvers accompanied by hand gestures that signaled his anger. The end result of this exercise in road rage was a serious accident involving four autos. Fortunately, no one was seriously injured beyond a few scrapes and bruises. However, the cars involved were damaged beyond reasonable repair. The article mentioned airbags, Emergency Response Teams, and a highly traveled highway that was closed for nearly two hours while cars were towed and a full assessment of the situation was detailed.
While reading this news article I thought “I could have been one of those four cars involved” and “Someone could have been killed.”
The lesson reflected upon: “Why would you allow a driver, lacking maturity and responsibility, steal your JOY and perhaps your life. Let poor behavior, driving or otherwise, go. Just let it go.”
My daughter plays golf. In fact, she played Varsity Golf for four years while in high school. She loves everything about the game - strategy, sportsmanship, comradery. During her senior year, she was matched against a school that had a reputation for being “cutthroat.” She anticipated playing against a team that was well-trained, rule-abiding, and seasoned competitors. However, what she did not expect were shocking behaviors that included name-calling, sabotage, and outright cheating. This team’s apparent strategy was to distract and break the focus of the opposing team. Unfortunately for this squad, my daughter was unaffected by poor play and less-than-honest sportsmanship. She knew she was the better athlete and person. The outcome: my daughter and her team prevailed.
The lesson my daughter learned: Don’t let less-than-honest, fair behavior steal your JOY or your win.
Think about the times when you allowed someone to steal your JOY. Perhaps the thief was an in-law, a boss, a teammate. More likely than not, the joy-stealer was someone you didn’t know – a random person with which you had a brief encounter. In either situation, you have the ability to prevent the thievery of your JOY by asking the magic question: Are they worth it? Is this situation worth it? Is it worth it to be “right” even though the consequence is losing your JOY?
Sometimes the answer will be “yes.” Most times, however, if you really think about it, your response will be “no.”
Helpful aids:
* Know who you are.
(Kind, generous, patient, honest, considerate, a parent, a spouse …).
* Know who you are not.
(Callous, gluttonous, impatient, deceitful, selfish, self-absorbed…).
If you are secure with who you are and who you are not, you have nothing to prove in any situation or with any person. Let missteps and misdeeds of others “go!” In your mind and heart don’t allow thieves of your JOY define who you are.
Protect your JOY with the armor of who you are! Don’t react to people or events that sincerely don’t matter; you will have a fuller, happier life for it.
Remember, life is short. Too short for regret.
Be JOYful!
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