I have learned an incredibly valuable life lesson – If you carry an umbrella, generally it will not rain. If you don’t carry an umbrella, it’s a sure bet you’ll get caught in a storm with no protection. Keeping this in mind, tucked in the door pocket of my car, you will find an inconspicuous small folding umbrella. Nothing flashy, mind you, but a fundamental lifesaver in a downpour.
You need an “umbrella” regarding your marriage or relationship too. No, not in terms of protection from a rainstorm, but from the setbacks a relationship, or life in general, can bring.
And yes, setbacks do and will happen.
A setback:
· Can do immense damage,
· Sometimes can be avoided,
· Can be lifechanging, good and bad.
Examples of a setback:
· Illness – you, your mate, your child(ren),
· Loss of employment,
· An unexpected relocation,
· A disaster,
· Death.
So, what kind of umbrella helps to protect you from the setbacks of life? Primarily, it is information, knowledge, and strategy. Essentially planning, candid conversations, and an awareness regarding all the particulars of your marriage and household are invaluable tools that will help prepare and guide you through difficult times when they occur. And they will occur.
Sincerely, I realize this blog post is sensitive. However, while ministering to couples, my husband and I have often encountered families, that when faced with a setback, were completely blind-sided and adrift in chaos and uncertainty.
Umbrella #1: A Will and Estate Planning
I know, I know, no one wants to think of death. Especially unexpected death. However, events happen that can change the course of our lives and death is one of them. I am shocked at couples that do not have legal Wills prepared and registered – especially if children are involved. This relatively inexpensive document and can prevent a lot of drama and discord.
As important as a Will is the act of legally identifying who will assume custody of any underage children if both parents are deceased. Careful consideration must be given to individuals who will honor your parenting requests. The chosen person(s) should be informed of your choice and acceptance is imperative.
Umbrella #2: Know Your Numbers
Both you and your spouse need to know all facets of the household financials. This includes expenses, bills, all income, investments, life insurance, all insurances, taxes…
Again, my husband and I are astonished to hear that only one partner of a union is tasked with understanding and managing the financials of the household. In fact, some spouses even claim they have “no” interest in learning or handling “the numbers” of the home. Some husbands or wives believe they are not “smart enough” or “capable” of managing this task. Unfortunately, “knowing your numbers” is not an option if you want to avoid or survive a life storm.
Gene and I share the management of our home. In fact, every twelve weeks (or quarter of a year) we take turns “managing our numbers.” By doing this, we both intimately know and understand all the financial aspects of our home. In the event of a life setback, we are both prepared to competently step-in and manage the financials.
Moreover, together we have created a master book of account numbers and passwords that act as a roadmap to our financials. Either my husband, myself, or a designated third party will benefit from all information being in one place without someone having to hunt down or search for information.
If you are truly uncomfortable with the task of “managing your numbers,” there are free or low-cost community courses that will explain, teach, and guide you with the goal of achieving comfort and confidence with the task. Furthermore, there are excellent books and websites that teach and inform without being intimidating. I always challenge couples, if you can understand and set-up your iPhone, you have the ability and aptitude to understand “your numbers.”
Umbrella #3: Big Changes Require Candid Conversations
Anytime, we are contemplating change my husband and I plan a quiet time to talk. We have these chats regarding investments, career changes, fears, and challenges. These types of conversations are the beginning steps in forming goals and establishing a plan in achieving that goal.
Umbrella #4: Have An Emergency Stash
Having at least one month’s income in a “stash” account in the event of unemployment, job change, or an unexpected emergency is a goal every household should have. I realize this is easier said than done. However, choosing to save $5 instead of having a chai latte is a great start. Slowly, your emergency fund will become a reality. Additionally, applying for and receiving a credit card, with a modest credit amount, that is only used for emergencies is another umbrella tactic. I must emphasize again that this card is only to be used in an emergency. My husband and I have such a credit card, not stored in our wallet but in our aforementioned master book. Hopefully, we will never need to use it, but it is there, collecting dust, just in case.
Umbrella #5: The Box
“The Box” in our home refers to the plastic crate that contains fundamentals in the event of an emergency or disaster. It includes bottled water, freeze-dried food, photocopies of important documents (passports, driver licenses, deeds…), flashlights… Consult websites that specialize in this type of planning for a complete listing. Again, like my umbrella theory, if you have this type of box, the likelihood of an emergency is low.
Umbrella #6: Keep Current
My husband and I have an annual ritual: every April after we sign, seal, and mail our taxes we initiate the task of updating our resumes. Why? Simply because you never know when an opportunity will present and you should be prepared to market yourself to the best of your ability. Nothing is worse than creating or updating one’s resume on the spur of the moment. The probability of unintentional omissions, as well as spelling and grammar mistakes increases exponentially when the task is rushed.
I call these life strategies “my umbrellas.” Others may call it “getting your ducks in order.” Whatever the title, life tools, combined with planning, help guard against chaos. You must share the responsibilities of this strategy with your spouse or partner. You must talk. You must be informed. You must plan together.
See Be Heard and Understood at my website Twoheartsinlove.com for help communicating with your partner regarding planning and establishing your life umbrellas.
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