The word “Vacation” should conjure thoughts of rest and relaxation with the goals of making lasting memories while simultaneously recharging one’s mind and body.
So when the month of June arrives, the thoughts of where and when to vacation becomes the center of dinner table conversations. Like food, we all have different tastes and wants. This includes my cherubs as well.
For myself, I crave rest with peace and quiet. Rolling tides, warm sand, SPF 50, and beach umbrellas come to mind.
For my husband, exploration and adventure are paramount.
For my children, excitement and thrills are a must.
Once we decide on a date and location, the planning commences. This includes the usual decisions like whether to drive or fly, the accommodations, and most importantly, the activities offered. This is where conflict begins.
Let me explain with a bit of our family history. It all starts with the man I promised to love and cherish for the rest of my life – my husband. He treats “vacation” as though it is a work assignment. He researches every detail and offering of the location, plans every day, each activity, and all meals. And ready for this, all this information and planning is succinctly outlined into Microsoft Project with complementary spreadsheets imported into each of our phones. I am not kidding.
Most people marvel at my husband’s affinity for research and planning. Honestly, it what makes him highly effective in regards to his profession. However, for my children and myself, Gene’s spreadsheets are a source of stress mixed with a tad of frustration. The anti-vacation if you will.
One year the destination of Hawaii was chosen for our family vacay. The morning after the decision was made to travel to the Aloha state, I entered my office to find a Post-It note affixed to my computer screen. “Mom, Emma and I would like to speak with you sometime today. It’s important!” was the message clearly printed with the word “important” underlined twice. I called my cherubs into my home office and inquired what was on their minds.
My son, who was ten years old at the time, started the conversation. “We want you to talk with dad about Hawaii.” As the discussion unfolded, it became apparent that my children had issues with the “itineraries” that their father would be creating for the upcoming vacation. Additional statements during our meeting included: “not relaxing,” “no down-time,” and their loathing for my husband’s over-used phrase: “time to get up, we’re burning day light.”
I listened. I emphasized. We ended the meeting with me telling them not to worry and that I would talk to dad about the situation. I also made certain that my cherubs realized how incredibly proud of them for I was for sharing their thoughts and feelings with me.
Next, I had to utilize my parenting problem-solving skills to remedy the situation while not being accusatory or demonstrating lack of appreciation for all my husband’s efforts. This was indeed a delicate situation; I was working with both children’s concerns in tandem with an adult ego.
The following day, after the dishes were cleared from the dinner table, I introduced my family to an oversized calendar outlining the days of our future trip. Clearly printed on each day was a name – mine, my husband’s, or one of my children’s. My instructions were simple: the person whose name appeared on a particular day, owned that day. They were responsible for researching and planning the day from sunrise to sunset. This included both activities and meals. Nothing was off the table. Each child took charge of two days while the adults each claimed three days of planning.
This plan allowed my children to have a voice while still providing ample opportunities for my husband to do his planning. Furthermore, this solution encouraged my cherubs to research, plan, and make decisions for the family; it gave them a sense of ownership, importance, and value.
Vacation finally arrived! We landed in Maui ready to make family memories.
Day 1 belonged to Ian. After dining on pineapple pancakes we headed to Snorkel Bob’s to be fitted with the necessary equipment for a full day of snorkeling. We had tri-tip sandwiches for dinner and ended the day relaxing on chaise lounges on the beach gazing at stars.
Day 2 was Gene’s. “Time to rise and shine!” could be heard through-out our rented condo. It was 3 am. An hour later a van arrived at our vacation home where we all staggered on board for the forty-five minute drive to the summit of Mt. Haleakala, a dormant volcano on the island. Following our van was a truck carrying bicycles and gear for our adventurous ride on two wheels, from summit (6500 ‘) to Maui’s north shore. Almost a thirty mile ride, all downhill of course. The ride was exhilarating, the views were jaw-dropping. Halfway through our ride, we stopped at an orchid farm for lunch and dined on gourmet sandwiches amongst stunning flora. At the end of the day, we had a simple dinner at our rental and finished the day gazing at stars, again.
Emma took charge of day three. My daughter is lovingly referred to as our “hippie chick” daughter and like her mother, appreciates an “open schedule” kind of day. This means sleeping in, an indulgent breakfast, and lots and lots of beach time. It a “fly by the seat of your pants, SPF 50 type of day.
Finally my day arrived. I elected to travel to a lavender farm positioned high on the hills of the island. The destination was stunningly draped in a collection of purple hues. The scent was intoxicating. And the views were postcard perfect. My day involved hiking, dining on lavender laced scones with tea, and plenty of opportunity for personal reflection while relaxing on perfectly positioned lounge chairs placed throughout the massive property.
The remainder of our vacation was filled with relaxation, adventure, and discovery. Nearly every day ended on the beach with star gazing and family conversation. My experiment, with each family member taking ownership of designated days of our trip, was a success. We returned home rested with memories that reflected our individual personalities and needs.
What was missing from our escape?
Namely:
Arguing,
Rolling of the eyes,
Resentment,
And tantrums from exhaustion.
Here’s the takeaways from this experimentation:
Listen to your children,
Don’t try to change an individual’s habits, problem solve around them,
Open your mind to new ideas,
Trust the opinions of others,
And above all, “Go with the flow!”
Since that vacation, every trip since then has been planned in a similar fashion. Does my husband continue to make spreadsheets? Well, yes. However, they are limited to 24 hour blocks of time. And he seems satisfied by this limitation.
Now, go plan some memory making.
Be chill.
XOXO!
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