Organize
Staying organized helps to avoid conflict.
Organize your future. As a couple, your goals should be well-thought-out, discussed, and organized into:
Goals for the Week
Goals for the next 6 months
Goals for the next 5 years
Example:
Week: Paint the Kitchen
6 Months: Eliminate credit card balance
5 years: Start a family.
Being organized, while having common goals provide for a decision-making road map. If a major decision doesn’t support an agreed-upon goal - STOP! Then discuss this major decision with your spouse. Goals do change and priorities do shift. However, changes and shifts need to be discussed and agreed upon.
Organize your conflict. Even the best marriages/relationships have conflicts. Having an organized conflict generally results in understanding, resolution, and personal growth. When a situation is heading towards conflict and a potential argument - STOP! Take time to jot-down, in an organized manner, your thoughts and feelings about the conflict. This does not have to be in paragraph form; a bulleted list of descriptive words works well.
How I feel?
Why I am feeling this way?
Some solutions to the situation.
After a cooling-off period – at least a couple of hours – reread your thoughts and determine if the situation is worth a conflicted conversation with your partner. Many times, after a period of reflection, you may come to the realization that your feelings stem from something else than your partner. Perhaps a work situation, a child upheaval, or even bad weather can misdirect anger towards your mate. However, there are times when you determine a difficult conversation is in order. If this is the case, you have your organized thoughts to guide you to resolution. These thoughts help you stay on point, avoid saying hurtful things, and most importantly help to initiate a conversation, after a cooling-off period has commenced, thereby avoiding unnecessary anger. See Communication and Speaker/Listener/Resolution Review Cards (buttons below) for additional details on how to successfully have an argument that results in understanding, not hurt feelings and frustration.
Organize your life. Generally, not always, when your home is in disarray it is a sure bet that your life has a “ride by the seat of your pants” theme. Clichés’ aside, one of your goals as a couple should be to organize your life. Start with one area, say household bills, and create an easy system to receive, acknowledge file and pay bills. Unexplained piles of paperwork bring about anxiety. Working systems allow for harmony and the avoidance of paying late, overdue bills.
Example: Retrieve the mail from the mailbox and bring it to a designated sort area in the home. Mine is in the office, by the shredder. Any garbage, including solicitations, go into the shredder immediately. Bills are opened, due dates are jotted on the outside of the envelope, then they are filed into my thirty-day accordion file folders. Magazines and catalogs I am not interested in go right into the paper recycler. Then, twice a month I sit down and spend half an hour paying bills guided by the dates in my folder. When parts of your life are organized, stress reduces. Peace.
Example: Organize your closet. Ok, this is going to be major. You might want to sit-down when reading this. Here goes - If you haven’t worn an article of clothing in a year, donate it! Truly, you won’t miss it. If something is stained or ripped, throw it out. If a piece of clothing is too small or large, donate too. No arguments here – trust me. It’s kind of like peeling off a Band Aid. Do it quick. Don’t reconsider either. That same day, take all donations to a charity. Be done with it. Then organize the rest by season and color. The reward will be space you never knew you had. Peace.
Getting organized takes time. Again, start with an area, complete, then move to the next. Believe me, you will feel a sense of relief and accomplishment. You and your relationship will be healthier for it.