Respect
Respect in a relationship is a very complex subject. There’s a spiritual meaning that can be defined and debated. Although rooted in religion, the definition of marital RESPECT is buttressed by everyday choices. Of course, it means respecting your spouse, but more importantly, it means respecting your commitment or covenant.
Buttressing or enriching RESPECT means:
When your spouse is trying to tell you something, DO NOT interrupt them.
When an important discussion between the two of you is taking place, have direct eye contact.
When an important discussion between the two of you is taking place, turn off the television.
When an important discussion between the two of you is taking place, turn off / put down your cell phone.
When I come home from work, give me a bit of time to unwind before wanting a conversation or a task completed.
Don’t degrade my family; I already realize their flaws and I don’t need to be reminded of them.
Know my Achilles Heels (more on this later; see Communication), and guard against the temptation of using them.
Example: My husband and I went out to dinner. Seated next to us, at an adjacent table, a couple was in a loud and heated conversation. The husband was complaining about his wife’s mother, calling her horrible inappropriate names (one that rhymes with “witch.”) You could visually see the wife was in emotional pain and shutting down.
The husband was disrespecting his marriage and relationship with his wife when he was calling his mother-in-law names.
The husband could have calmly, and without name-calling, conveyed the same information thereby initiating an environment of problem-solving. “Sweetheart, I know you love your mom, but sometimes she can go a bit too far. For the respect of our marriage, please do not share with your mother information regarding our sex life. Can we agree to this?”
Example: When arriving home from a difficult day at work, Sue’s husband is met at the door by is wife waving a “To-Do List” insisting he complete an item or two that evening.
Sue is disrespecting her marriage not allowing her husband to unwind and refresh a bit before discussing the “To Do” List.
A better way to handle a “To Do” List is to compose the list as a couple and discuss on a Sunday evening the priorities of the next week, which may include a task or two on the list. This way, on the drive home, the husband is not surprised and exasperated by a demanding spouse.
Example: When Beth tries to initiate a conversation with her husband about holiday planning, he never stops looking at his cell phone.
This preoccupation with the cell phone is indirectly saying – my phone and the game I am playing on it is more important than you. This is disrespecting your relationship.
A respectful way of approaching this situation is asking your wife to give you thirty seconds to end your game. Then turn off or put down your phone and give complete attention to your spouse. This is respecting your relationship.
Also, timing is critical when requiring the full attention of your spouse. Don’t expect a detailed discussion when he is watching his team on television. Wait until the game has ended. This is a form of respect too.