Sacrifice
Hopefully by now you have crossed-out the goal of wanting a perfect marriage, instead replacing it with wanting a S-T-R-O-N-G marriage. Strong is: S – Sacrifice T- Trust R- Respect O – Organize N – Never Lose the Romance G - Grace/Forgiveness
Let me explain -
Sacrifice
A strong marriage is many ideas; however, it starts with sacrifice. Some relate the word “sacrifice” with negative images of always coming in last or giving-up what you love for the betterment of others:
I’m going to sacrifice having the last cookie so my brother can enjoy it.
I’m going to sacrifice going out to lunch with my colleagues to save money.
I’m going to sacrifice my weekend of skiing so I can spend time with my aging grandmother.
Many people simply define sacrifice as giving up something you care about. What is not included in this definition is what you gain in return. And yes, there is an abundance to gain as it relates to your marriage or relationship.Think of sacrifice as:a What can I do for my spouse that will make him /her stronger - emotionally, spiritually and/or physically?
What can I do for my spouse that will bring a smile to their face?
What can I do for my spouse that will challenge them in a positive way?
Sacrifice is a two-way street. As you are sacrificing for, let’s say your husband, he, in turn, is sacrificing for his wife. Some sacrifices establish themselves in each other’s Love Languages [i]. Other sacrifices impact individual needs like helping to maintain the home (cleaning), planning a vacation, helping with the children. Whatever the situation, one half of the relationship is inconvenienced, or is sacrificing, for the other half.
Examples:
Typically, once a month my husband brings me home a seasonal bouquet of flowers. With these flowers, he is indirectly saying "Thanks for being such a great mom to our children.” So, in turn, one day while grocery shopping, I notice my favorite ice cream is on sale. Excitedly I place a half-gallon of Raspberry Ripple into my cart. Two aisles over, I notice cashews are on sale and reflect how much my husband loves cashews – especially when watching baseball. Now I come to the quandary: I can only afford to pay for the ice cream OR the nuts. I grab the can of cashews and return the ice cream.Gameday comes and my husband settles into his recliner to watch his favorite team play. Next to him on the side table, I place the can of cashews for his enjoyment. “Wow! What did I do to deserve these?” he comments. I reply “it’s my version of flowers for my husband.” He smiles.
What I sacrificed: Raspberry Ripple Ice Cream.
What my husband received for my sacrifice: a can of cashews.
The message: Thank you for the flowers. You’re a great dad and partner too.
Smile: Message received and likely to be repeated.
For the past ten years, every July, my husband gets together with his buddies, from his college fraternity days, for a long weekend. He looks forward to this event every year as it is a time to renew friendships and play a lot of golf. However, this year I was surprised when he said he wasn’t going on his annual trip, but instead planned a long, couple’s weekend away, as he waved tickets to a Broadway show I’ve been talking about. I am stunned and excited all at the same time.
What my husband sacrificed: A weekend with friends.
What I received for my husband’s sacrifice: A weekend with my husband and tickets to a Broadway show.
The message: My wife is a priority. I love you.
Smile: Message received and likely to be repeated.
Take special note of “Message received and likely to be repeated” as this is the gas or energy in your relationship.[i] The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman. This is a useful read that I would invest in. It helps define areas of importance or languages that fuel individuals and relationships. Everyone is different; everyone has different Love Languages. Available at Amazon.com.