Trust
When referring to “Trust” in a relationship, most people think of sexual fidelity. Of course, this is an aspect of trust, but there are many more facets of the word and its definition that are equally important. However, infidelity is considered the ultimate betrayal of trust and the most damaging.
TRUST can be defined as safety. When one person trusts another, they feel safe with them – physically and emotionally. Without the feeling of safeness, trust cannot be achieved. Trust can be compromised with physical abuse, name-calling (emotional abuse), or not being provided the essentials for healthy existence (food, shelter).
TRUST means that the relationship will not tolerate lies. Each partner in the relationship must commit to honesty. Lies, large or small, will damage trust. It must be understood that lies will surface in a relationship – they always do. It also must be accepted that omission of information is another definition of a lie. Being totally honest can be difficult if the situation revolves around an indulgent habit, a mistake, or a revealing of a personal flaw.
Example: Although my husband and I are on a tight budget, I still have a weekly pedicure. I just don’t tell him.
Example: My wife doesn’t know about my recent speeding ticket; she doesn’t need to know.
Example: When my wife and I married, she didn’t know about my gambling habit.
Although it may seem difficult at first, being honest with each other allows for an acceptance of each other’s flaws, the opportunity to solve delicate issues as a couple, and to truly learn from our mistakes. Being honest with someone generally begins like this:
“First, know that I love you and this is why this conversation is difficult because I feel I let “us” down. I received a speeding ticket today resulting in a fine and points. I realize I was careless. I realize this will impact us both. I will guard my driving habits in the future. I have learned my lesson. I am sorry.”
TRUST means to be faithful, sexually and otherwise. Sexual trust is obvious – don’t have physical intimacy, of any kind, with another person other than your spouse. However, “faithfulness” goes beyond sex. It always means “having your back.” It means never to degrade, share unflattering information or make fun of your spouse to others.
Example: Sharing to your workmates that your husband couldn’t do laundry correctly if his life depended on it as he has shrunk most of my sweaters and turned your “whites” pink. Ultimately, this is embarrassing to your husband and breaks the trust between the two of you. Essentially, protect each other.
Of course, we all make mistakes. Mistakes happened. Mistakes are not intentional and should not damage trust as long as they are not habits. However, one must still be accountable for mistakes.